I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
