I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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