So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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