I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
