Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
