she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
