How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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