Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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