This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My hand turned me down
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we're making bets on your personal life
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
