She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize