Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
