No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
