Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
