i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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