this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
