im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
