What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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