im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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