Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
