dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
