Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
