I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
