i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
