I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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