great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
