I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
