ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
