2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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