it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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