tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
