The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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