i love accidental penises.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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