I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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