sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
