then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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