can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
