im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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