I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
