No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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