Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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