I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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