I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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