How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
