dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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