I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
