New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
