if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
