LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize