mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
