theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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