I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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