i was born a porn star she said
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
