Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
