You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
