And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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