Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
