I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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