dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
