I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
