if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize