If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
