Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
