so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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