I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
