mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
