Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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