And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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