I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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