I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
