Buhtt sex?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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