I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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