We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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