I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
