I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
