I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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