Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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