Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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