Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
