girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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