the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
