Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize