Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
