that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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