Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize