We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
my penis made a compromise with my morals
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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