I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
