That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We talked him into tasing himself.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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