Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I could have mohawked her pubes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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